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Posts Tagged ‘feelings’

Philosophers throughout time have tried to describe, discover, and analyze the “self.”  Buddhists are no different.  From the moment the Buddha began his journey toward his awakening until today we are still writing and thinking and talking about this thing we call the “self.”

Sensei Kaz TanahashiKaz Tanahashi writes about it so clearly. What an “original face” he has! Filled with joy for sure!

“A further irony is that only when a person is completely detached from himself does he find himself and realize what is common to himself and others, ‘self’ immediately opens into selflessness.  This selflessness is called ‘true self’ or ‘original face.’  It is also described as ‘something close’ or ‘what is intimate (page 17).’[1]

We talk to ourselves often and I wonder sometimes when I catch myself doing it who the heck am I talking to? Am I having a conversation with my higher self, my lower self, my giving and kind self or my grouchy and self-centered self? How can I have so many selves!? What face am I showing to others?

Which self is the real me?  You must discover that for yourself!  Yikes are you kidding?! Buddhists have been debating this forever, or so it seems.  So what do you think?  How do people see you?  What self do you show to others?  Do you pick and chose and show one self at work, one self at home, one self on the golf course, and yet another in the zendo or church or synagogue?

Do you have a list of attributes that you hold dear and hope that in even the most confusing or frightening moments that self will appear just when you need it?  Can you change yourself?  Or do you believe that it’s all baked in and are using the excuse: “That’s just the way I am! I’ve always been that way and I’m too old to change now!”

If that self is hindering you and harming others do you think you can change that idea of “self?”  Are you willing and able to look at yourself honestly and find those things that are harming you and others and change that part of yourself to someone that no longer desires to live a negative harmful life.  You can, if you want to. Why not become that loving, peaceful, compassionate, friendly, and most of all fun person to be around! It’s all up to you!  Your family and friends and your pets will be glad you are finally showing your “original face!”

 

[1] Tanahashi, K. (1985) Moon in a Dewdrop Writings of Zen Master Dogen North Point Press: New York

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buddha-pictureA young mother lived in a cabin in the woods.  When she journeyed to town she would take different paths so her views might be varied.  One day she walked down a path she hadn’t traveled on before and there in the middle of the road was a large boulder. This bothered her and seemed out of place.  So she tried hard to move it.  But it was too large.  So she walked around it and went on her way.  Some time later she came down that trail again where the boulder was.  This time she brought some colorful chalks with her and tried to disguise the rock with bright colors.  It looked better, but it was still there.  One summer many years later she happened down that road again, where the disturbing bolder lay. The years of rain and sun had washed away the chalk.  A fine layer of dust coated the surface now. As she looked down into its depth more closely, she noticed it had both smooth and rough places.  It was actually not an unattractive object. She brushed the dust from it with her hands and noticed some glints of quartz. She sat down on it and rested in silence and realized she really didn’t need to do anything about it.  It was and so was she. There was just being with it and that was, or it should be.

Joan Hunt

Lebanon, OR

 

Picture of Wilbur Mushin May my guide and teacher at the Southern Palm Zen Group at Morikami Zen Gardens in Delray Beach, FL https://morikami.org/

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Kermit_the_FrogHaiku for you all to enjoy from one of our Zen students studying “behind the fence.”

Happy is the frog
that has been quenched by the rain.
it’s been a long drought.

Hard rain fell last night
A hot sun rose this morning
bringing rain lillies.
–Wes

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Sensei Kaz Tanahashi

Kazuaki Tanahashi

“The concentrated endeavor of the way I am speaking of allows all things to come forth in realization to practice going beyond in the path of letting go.   Passing through the barrier [of dualism] and dropping off limitations in this way, how could you be hindered by nodes in bamboo or knots in wood [concepts and theories] (page 105)?”[1]

I love this quote by Kazuaki Tanahashi from his beautiful book Zen Chants.  It brought to mind what often happens when I sit down to meditate.  Up come all the nodes and knots that I’ve experienced throughout the day or the week.  I focus on how hard they were to surmount or maneuver around.  When I catch these thoughts arising I think to myself, I need to let this go.  It is disrupting my meditation! And thus, the simple thought of letting go is now the catalyst for more thinking, self-recrimination, and more.

Round and round on the merry-go-round I go until my head is spinning and I’ve made myself dizzy.  So how do I “pass through the barrier of dualism?”  How about becoming one with the barrier? One with the thought, feeling, or idea.  To give it the freedom to be, to go, to sustain, or disappear without judgment, fear, or insistence.

To breath into it slowly, lovingly, and kindly.  We are so quick to provide loving kindness to a friend or family member in need.  To hold back recrimination or judgment.  To give them space to find themselves to live their life as they need to.  To respect their boundaries, dreams, and desires.  Yet, how often do we not give ourselves the space, advice, room, or love?

How often do we give ourselves permission to let go, to make mistakes, to get up in the middle of a sit when we have a cramp in our leg?  I recall some time ago when I was sitting in dokusan with one of my favorite teachers, Lou Mitsunen Nordstrom, and I told him I was going to start my own zendo and name it “If it itches, Scratch it.”  I may go to the fictious “Zen Hell” for that idea.  Luckily the only hell I have is between my own ears!  And for sure I need to “let go” of that idea!

Wow! Maybe I should start my new adventure by letting go of the idea that hell is between my own ears!  What a great ending for my workbook on The Secret to a More Fulfilling Life.

Definitely THE END!

[1] Tanahashi, K. (2015) Zen Chants Thirty-Five Essential Texts with Commentary. Shambhala: Boston and London

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I had the great pleasure of being in Pueblo, Colorado, visiting my mother’s family for a celebration of my Uncle Virgil’s 102nd birthday.  Before I left home I looked to see if there was a sangha in Pueblo that I could attend while I was there, and of course there was, the beautiful Wet Mountain Sangha with Sensei Andrew Palmer.  What a delightful evening I had chatting with the members, sitting, and hearing a beautiful dharma talk by Andrew.

Life is so fabulous when you open yourself to any and all opportunities to find the good and the new.  At the end of the evening they closed the session with something that I had not chanted before in any of the Florida Soto Zen groups that I have sat with and spent many days in retreats with.  I was so moved by it that I wanted to share it with you. I hope you will like it and will add it into your practice.

The chant was actually sung like a song, unfortunately, I can’t share the tune with you, but I can share the words.  I hope you enjoy it and that you will try sitting with these words. When you do I hope you find yourself in this boundless place of Buddhism and beyond.  I hope it inspires you, enlivens you, and uplifts you.

Many thanks to my new friends at the Wet Mountain Sangha! You are a spark of light and love and I was blessed beyond words to be there with you.  I look forward to attending again so long as I am in Pueblo in person and if not–in spirit.

The Four Boundless Vowsingassho
I vow to wake the Beings of the World
I vow to set endless heartaches to rest
I vow to walk through every wisdom gate
I vow to live the great Buddha way

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In Edward Espe Brown’s wonderful book, No Recipe–Cooking as Spiritual Practice, he writes:

 “We could do well to study how we do what we are doing—what is the most important point?—because as Suzuki Roshi mentioned, “If I tell you something, you will stick to it, but it is not always so. When you stick to something that I say, you will abandon your capacity to study and investigate for yourself (page 63).”

So, if you really want a more fulfilling life you need to discover what that means for you.  Try things out, practice, evaluate, and learn, and then decide if you want to stick to it or not.  I’ll bet it hasn’t been long since someone told you what to do and how to do it and maybe even when and why to do it.  I can see you shaking your head right now, I can hear you saying, “Yes, just 5 minutes ago!”  Like he or she knows how to do it better than you do!?

Edward does not want us to get caught in what he calls, “the realm of thinking” rather than observing for yourself how things happen in your experience and using that information to possibly make better choices for yourself.  I hear the little cogs in your brain turning around and around right now thinking of that last conversation you had with your boss, significant other, or coworker telling you how to do something.  You listen and begin to think it could be faster, quicker, more accurate and much more effective, or fun—if you didn’t do it that way!

I love what Edward says next, “When you observe closely how things happen in your experience, change comes from you, out of your experience, rather than being implemented top down from your thinking. ‘Don’t put another head over your head,’ is a Zen saying (page 64).”

500 Hats Dr. SeussOr are you like Bartholomew in Dr. Seuss’ book The 500 Hats of Bartholomew Cubbins creating the same old hat over and over!  Are you sitting in the same old chair with the same old ideas one on top of the other over and over?

I can see myself right now in the mirror with a giant pile of hats from large to small, from fancy to plain filled with my own creations, thoughts, ideas, and plans. I don’t want to be like Bartholomew with the same old hat over and over 499 times!  Once I “observe myself closely” I see myself doing the same old worn out thing over and over again. Only then can I throw away that plain old hat and create something new, innovative, exciting, and adventurous!

Maybe at onetime in the past “it was always so” but now—not so much! Now I might need to make a better or different choice for myself.  What hat are you wearing today?  What hat do you wish you were wearing today?

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I post this as a counterpoint to all the celebrations of July 4th’s so called “Independence Day.” 

Flose Boursiquot and Chip at Rally June 30th 2018The poem is written by Flose Boursiquot and taken from her incredible book Close Your Eyes, Now Breathe.”  The picture was taken on July 30th in Delray Beach, FL at the “Families Belong Together” rally sponsored by http://www.moveon.org where she was one of the incredible speakers.  She is with Chip Frank my friend and former production manager when I was a Unity Minister. How lucky we were to meet her! She gifted me her book for which I am ever grateful.

 

Voice

I have a voice!
you cannot silence me
my feet burn through the pavement and leave enough dust
for my grandchildren to make clay pots
the thoughts that travel through my mind leave textbook pages
ashamed

you cannot silence me
my boot straps awaken the Black Panthers and take notes from
Malxom X
I know what it means to starve
a physical pain that engulfs your intellect and spirit

you cannot silence me
I am a young Nikki Giovanni with words so freeing notebook pages
fling their legs open when i peek at them with a side eye
master’s grandchildren stand miles away when air escapes my
lungs and thoughts juxtapose that of W.E.B. DuBois

you cannot silence me
I am not a mindless crab in a bucket
i refuse
yes, i refuse to step over the hands and feet of my people
we are intertwined like the molecules in our bodies

you cannot silence me
my children will not wake up caved in by debt, miseducation and
fear
they will know that beauty doesn’t solely lie in blue eyes
and that wealth isn’t manufactured green on trees

you cannot silence me
my ancestors taught me how to read a map
they left blueprints imprinted in my DNA
if I ever lose my way, i look in the mirror
touch my wide nose
feel my naps
embrace my brown skin
and i find my way

you cannot silence me
death does not scare me
i welcome heavy words sung by kings and queens on the block
they are reminders of journeys taken so i can stand here today

you cannot silence me
my back may weaken
but my boots will carry
my brothers and sisters will lift me

you cannot silence me
because with every step i will roar
we will roar
arm-in-arm, a destiny will be set
and we will achieve

*********************

This poem was written by an incredible woman a “24-year-old Haitian-rooted palm tree dancing in the Florida sun” woman. “She is a product of Syracuse University’s Newhouse School of Public Communication and the Maxwell School of Citizenship and Public Affairs.”

I hope you’ll buy her book!

In gassho, Shokai

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